Lao wai Blues

I have officially been living in China for a little over a month now, and the entire experience has been a roller-coaster of emotions. This is not my first time traveling to a foreign country, nor my first solo trip, however this is the first time I’ve lived in a foreign country on a semi-permanent basis (one-year assignment).

Before I left for Shanghai, I read an excellent article on Matador Network about the phases of culture-shock and how to combat them. Having lived in Paris solo last summer for four weeks, I wasn’t too concerned about home-sickness or any kind of cultural freak-out. And, while there hasn’t been a lowest of the low point yet during my time here, living in China is definitely proving to be more challenging emotionally than I had anticipated.

1. Say Goodbye to Anonymity

As I walk through the crowded streets of my Shanghai neighborhood, I am the only one with light hair and blue eyes. Plus, my extremely pale complexition starkly contrasts with the tan skin of those around me. Stares are coming from all sides at a mile a minute, some friendly and some not so much, but the common vein is that I can forget the idea of becoming invisible or losing myself in a crowd.

2. Why Can’t I Understand You?

I think one of the biggest contributors to culture shock is the lack of a shared language. Being in China, this is the first time I’ve been somewhere that I don’t have a very strong foundation in the local language. Though I have little difficulty getting by with my one year of college-level Mandarin, it is not enough to truly connect with people beyond the superficial or make Chinese-speaking friends. This causes one to never feel integrated into the culture, much less accepted.

3. I Miss American Things

Wow! I can’t believe I’m admitting to this, but it’s true! As much as I miss my family, friends, and TexMex, what I seem to miss the most are random American ways of thought or cultural values. Being from Texas, I think this is acutely felt. Hearing songs like “Country Road” have the effect of almost bringing me to tears. Here I have huge cravings to simply watch old re-runs, listen to country music, and eat a buttermilk biscuit. I guess I think this will bring me closer to the American values I am missing here.

4. Why Do You Call Me That?

In America there is a racial slur for most every ethnic group. These have evolved over time and are seen as politically incorrect and generally unacceptable. China is a little different. Though they have ethnic minorities that all fall into the category of Chinese, they do not have the overwhelming immigrant population that largely makes up the United States. Therefore, anytime they see someone who doesn’t look like them, they immediately know it is not an immigrant but a wai guo ren (literally outside the country person). The closest equivalent in English is foreigner. I am constantly called a wai guo ren in China. In fact, many people shout it as I walk past to alert others. It is not a derogatory or mean-spirited term, but simply indicates that I am not Chinese. However, the Chinese have another word they use to refer to foreigners: lao wai (literally old outside). Calling someone a lao wai might be similar to calling an American person a gringo/a in Mexico. However the term also carries the connotation that the person is stupid and generally inferior. Many may argue with me on this. In fact, the Chinese say that there is nothing negative meant by it, but it is just a cute or teasing term. Regardless, I despise this word. Since my arrival in China I’ve only been called lao wai twice (to my face), both times on the street. Once was by an older man and the other by a small child with his grandparents. The first time I started to cry and wanted to turn around and yell obstinacies at the man, and the second time my feelings were severely hurt, but I really just wanted to hide.

They talk about four stages of culture shock in the Matador article: wonder, frustration, depression, and acceptance. I think I battle with and totter between frustration and depression every day. However, there are many times when I travel outside of Shanghai or see something new that I am filled with absolute wonder. I believe I will likely continue to struggle against some form of culture shock throughout my trip. In fact, it’s only natural. However, I am hoping I will soon learn to accept my position here and be at peace with the four things that so far make it much more difficult to live here than I had initially thought.

See link to Matador’s: The Four Stages of Culture Shock (And How to Beat Them): http://www.bravenewtraveler.com/2007/11/20/the-4-stages-of-culture-shock-and-how-to-beat-them/